"You look great! Your hair is different!"

So I've discovered that walking through my office takes longer than it used to. I'm actually walking faster these days (a few of my friends have pointed this out to me), but at least twice a day, someone will stop me and mention my weight loss. So I'm learning to "schedule" time for these run-ins. It's very nice...the accolades just keep me plugging along! Every once in awhile, I will run into someone I haven't seen in awhile and if I don't know them very well, I'll get "the look,"  although now they realize something is different. Today I saw a girl I know who works in a different building & department and she said, "You look great! Your hair is different!" While that's true (just got my hair done), I know she was seeing much more - weight loss, sure, but also a new confidence.

On another note, I survived a 90-minute zumba class tonight! Holy crap. I told the instructor the only reason I did it was because I can't do half of the steps! I feel like I stand there with my mouth open, trying desperately to make my body do what it's supposed to do, but I have absolutely no hand/eye coordination and apparently no rhythm. And I swear endorphins have the opposite affect on me - instead of releasing joy, they make me an emotional wreck! There was an older lady in the class tonight, the mom of another participant, and I almost lost it completely because she made me think of my mom. Oh, how we would have loved to do zumba with mom! Now THAT would have been a good laugh. Then after class, I got super stressed out and started crying about something that shouldn't have pushed me over the edge. Then again, I didn't eat before zumba and maybe all I needed was some food in the 20 percent of the stomach I have left! :)

Zumba

Seems like just when I set a goal to be under a certain weight by New Year's Day, my weight loss has completely stalled. Ugh. I've lost 71 pounds total, but haven't lost anything in over a week! And I've even been to three Zumba classes! Not fair! I know stalls are normal, but I'm getting discouraged, so I hope the scale budges this week.

On my way, slowly...

So my weight loss is slowing down and I've decided I need to kick up my workouts a notch or two. I am pleased with the results (68 pounds so far!), don't get me wrong, but I want to lose 20 more pounds by New Year's Day. So it's time to "stop working out like an old lady," as my doctor told me. Don't tell my sister, but I might have to try Zumba now. Eeek! Here's photographic evidence of my weight loss. Notice I still don't like being photographed from the waist down! Ha.

I did a 5K and lived to tell about it!

Me & my sister Jill at the race.

This year, like the last 4 or 5 years, we walked in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. This was the first year walking without mom...that was pretty tough. It was less emotional than I thought, though, because we had so many of our friends and family walking with us. We did 1980s-themed shirts this year, so some of us went all out. My Madonna hairdo looked a lot better before I left the house. But, more importantly, walking a 5K was much easier this year than it had been in years past without an extra 63 pounds. I still complained the entire way and wasn't sure I would make it, but I did. Woo hoo! Next year, someone suggested that we run. I don't see that happening, but I might walk a little faster. :)

Spanx mishap

Thankfully, this was not MY Spanx mishap. I only wish I was as funny as Melissa McCarthy. She handled this a lot better than I would have!

A sign?

I just learned that Charlie's Steakhouse in Pflugerville is going out of business after 40 years. I have literally been eating there my entire life. Growing up, it was pretty much the only place to eat in our sleepy little town. I have vivid memories of everyone turning to look at you as you entered the dark restaurant. I used to hate that. Later, they added windows and I remember not liking them at first because it changed the ambiance. The bathroom has been the same since they opened - the uneven floor, the retro flower prints on the walls and the icky reusable towel hand dryer thing that goes around and around in a circle and I never understood how it was clean just by rotating it through the wall unit. Many of the waitresses have worked there for 20 or 30 years and know you by name.

I haven't been in awhile, for obvious reasons, but it was one of the last places I ate prior to surgery. Best Chicken Fried Steak ever. I'll also remember the Broiled Catfish platter, the vegetable beef soup that grandpa used to order with mostly juice so he could soak his bread in it, the enchilada plate with extra onions my mom would order, the hamburger steak (omg, yum), and the lunch or dinner specials that came with pudding for dessert. Most of all, I'll remember that they had the best iced tea anywhere, served in the smallest glasses. And the crackers they served with hot sauce. I will be sad when they close their doors...there are a lot of fond memories of eating there with my grandparents and the rest of my family.

I laughed at my first thought: "Geez, I lose 60 pounds and it forces them out of business!" I guess this is just one more sign that I am leaving my old life behind and moving on to a new, healthier one, right?

Just call me Sally O'Malley

"I'm 50! FIVE-OH! And I like to kick, stretch and kick!"

Unlike Sally O'Malley, though, I'm not 50 years old just yet. But I have now officially hit the 50 pounds lost mark since surgery three months ago! And if you count the 9 pounds before surgery that I lost, that's almost 60! Holy cow. I think it hit me today -- I am halfway to my goal of losing at least 100 pounds! That makes me wanna kick, stretch and kick! And I couldn't do all that 50 pounds ago! :)

Size 16 purple dress

So here I am, wearing a size 16 dress at the wedding of my friends Julie & Eric. I still can't believe it was a size 16. We got a full body shot of me, but since I am usually the photographer, I have no clue how to pose myself in pictures. And let's just say it is not flattering. I still have a goofy grin on my face in this one (I also can't smile normally in pics for some reason), I can live with sharing it. :)

Sweet 16...a different 16

You're not imagining things, I've posted this photo before, back when I had lost 16 pounds. As of today, I am now down 47 pounds! So close to the big 5-0! :) So why repost the Sweet 16 pic? Because I bought a dress for a wedding this weekend in a...get this...SIZE 16! I'm still in shock and convinced that because I bought it at Ross it was mismarked. But I tried on two more 16s and they fit too! Holy cow. I haven't worn a size 16 since I was 16 years old! I'm still wearing 18s and 20s during the week, but some of them are getting too big. Very exciting, but also hard to dress for work!

Another observation: people are nicer to me now that I've lost weight. I know some of this is just because they are happy for me and see my new confidence, but it's more than that. More on this later. I find it disturbing and don't want to concentrate on negative thoughts right now. I want to celebrate my size 16 dress! I'll post photos from the wedding.

42

Nope, it's not a dominoes game...it's the number of pounds I've lost in 10 weeks! Will blog more soon! Thanks for your support!

Not a Magic Pill

NPR did a story today on weight loss surgery, check it out: http://www.npr.org/2011/10/01/140803898/surgery-not-a-magic-pill-for-obese-patients?sc=fb&cc=fp.

Yep, this is what I've been saying. This surgery was not a magic pill. I still struggle and the journey hasn't always been easy. But I will say this. This morning I had to get up early and deliver flyers to a neighborhood for work. I walked for the better part of two hours. Before surgery, I would have been dripping with sweat and would have been COMPLETELY exhausted afterwards. Except for needing coffee, I was just fine after I finished my route today. And I probably mentioned this before, but my carpal tunnel seems to have disappeared, my knees and feet already feel better and I'm pretty sure my sleep apnea is disappearing too. I still snore, but apparently not as loudly. I know I'm sleeping better. Fortunately, I have not had any of the complications some of the folks in the story have and I hope that continues. My doctor told me that she has two sleeve patients who are always nauseous and getting sick and she thinks it's because they don't eat enough protein. I'm obsessed with protein. She thinks this is why I hardly ever get sick. I've really only gotten sick about 5 times or so...and it's usually because I ate one bite too many. I hope the good luck continues!

Weight loss update: 38 pounds down!

Smoke Signals

So for the last couple of weeks, I have been smelling/tasting "smoke" and couldn't figure out why. It's almost like I've been at a bar or tried to eat an ashtray at times. And I don't smoke or hang around people who smoke. It freaked me out at first because we're in an extreme drought in Central Texas and have had massive wildfires, so I walked around checking for fires for a few days.

Finally, I googled it...the most likely reasons are acid reflux and/or anemia. Apparently people who experience rapid weight loss experience this kind of reflux...instead of the usual reflux symptoms. Or they don't absorb nutrients as well and that causes a lack of iron, hence the anemia. I'll be asking my doctor about this for sure! There are also some scary things that people suggested, like brain tumors, MS, seizure disorders, stroke, migraine, etc. But then I found this post and decided I like this explanation the best:

Post Date: 3/17/10 4:57 am
Some American Indian tribes believe that when you smell smoke and nothing is burning it is because spirits from your family are close to you.  Sounds kind of comforting to me.

Maybe mom and dad are just sending me smoke signals, letting me know they're with me on this journey. The smoke smell had to be dad's idea. I do think of him every time I smell cigarette smoke. Good one, daddy.

bones

The following is a real text conversation I had with my sister tonight...
Me: I just rubbed my arm and felt bone. I can't stop rubbing it.
Jill: Ha ha ha ha
Me: There used to be fat there!
Jill: Your whole arm???
Me: No, just the bottom part near my hand. I can feel the line of the bone. Yay!
Jill: I think they call that a wrist! :)
Me: Omg, you're right! I'm laughing so hard right now. I seriously didn't know what to call it!

Speaking of wrists, my carpal tunnel is completely gone. No pain at all since surgery...and I was contemplating carpal tunnel surgery! I'm now at 36 pounds down! And I bought an XL t-shirt at the Journey concert in Dallas this weekend. Not a 2XL or  a 3XL, but an XL. And it fit...in fact, it might be too big soon.

XL

My sister just returned from a vacation to California where she bought me a t-shirt...one of those "girl cut," tight fitting t-shirts...and it's an XL. (Although I argue that you can call this tiny thing an XL, it looks like a 12 year old should wear it!) Before I could say anything, she said, "Don't worry, it'll fit you soon, I promise!" It'll be awhile and I still can't believe it will fit me, but I cannot wait to wear it. I took a photo of it next to one of my 3XL shirts I wear a lot. The green shirt was always big on me and not tight-fitting, but you can see what a big difference this will be when I get there. Wow, just wow.

Oh yeah! I've now lost 31 pounds since surgery!

Gooooooaaaaaalllllll!

Bust out the Vuvuzelas (or whatever those silly horns from World Cup Soccer were called)! As of today...and only if I'm completely nude...I have lost 29 pounds since surgery. That puts me at a benchmark weight I had hoped I would reach by Labor Day. It's a number I haven't seen in at least 10 years and I am so, so happy. With clothes on, I've lost closer to 27 pounds, but that's still cause for celebration! I reached my first gooooaaaaaalllllll!

"The Look"

I've fallen down on my blog writing duties since I went back to work a couple weeks ago. Sorry for that. It's going well. I've now lost 25 pounds since my surgery three and a half weeks ago. I'm getting used to a completely different life and it's getting easier. There have been a few difficult moments, but I'm doing good. Lunchtime at work is hard because I was so used to going out to eat, meeting someone for lunch. Forget the food, I'm really missing the social aspect of lunch! It helped to get out of the office for an hour.

Another thing I'm getting used to is what I call, "the look." When I see people I haven't seen since surgery and they ask how I'm doing, I tell them well and that I've lost 25 pounds. Most people don't skip a beat, they just smile and exclaim, "That's awesome!" (or something like that) Then there are the people who cock their heads and give me "the look." I can tell they're thinking, "But she's still fat." And that's ok. I am still fat. This surgery was not a magic trick that will suddenly make me a supermodel. There's work -- and time -- involved. I didn't get fat overnight, despite my arguments to the contrary. So it will take me awhile to slim down. And I honestly cannot picture myself "slim" -- ever. But, I can picture myself healthier. And that's what this is about. Twenty five pounds makes a huge difference. Whether other people can see it yet or not doesn't matter. My clothes fit better, I have more energy, I swear I'm sleeping better and I kid you not...I haven't had ANY carpal tunnel pain, even after I went back to work. So I don't mind "the look," because I also had several people tell me this week that it is starting to show...and that made it all worth it. :)

Boo

I've been amazed at how well I've been doing since surgery, considering it was my first major surgery ever. I should have known that wouldn't last. About 6am this morning, I was awakened by a dull, deep pain under my right rib cage. At first I thought I just slept funny, so I got up and walked around, stretched, then tried to lay back down. Then the pain moved all the way around me to the back side and settled under my right shoulder blade. Now it was an intense, sharp pain. Worst pain I've ever felt. I called the Medical Exchange number and took Gas X, hoping it was just severe gas. Nope. Waited and waited for them to call me back. Finally, a little before 9am I called the doctor's office. My doc is on vacation, so I left a message with the medical assistant. About the time they finally called back, I had just run to the bathroom to vomit. This is the first time in three weeks since surgery that I've gotten sick like that, which is almost unheard of. So I guess I'm lucky. Finally, an on-call doctor called back, listened to my symptoms and told me she thinks it's my gall bladder. I'm not happy about this, because I specifically asked them if it needed to be removed at the same time they did the other surgery. They did an ultrasound and then said that I didn't need to do it. Argh. I find it hard to believe that it changed in just three weeks! So they want me to get another ultrasound...and I'm guessing this will require another surgery. Boo.

It may have been throwing up or laying on the heating pad that did it, but I'd like to think it was something bigger at play. I am a big baby when I don't feel well and the only thing I could think of was, "I want my mommy and daddy!" So I cried out loud to both my mom and my dad and told them I needed help. (This was after praying several times too). I swear to you, about 10 minutes later, the pain finally started subsiding. My angels helped me. I'm convinced. Thanks mom and dad!

Monkey on my back

This week held two big benchmarks along my journey - returning to work full time and progressing to eating "soft foods." My first day back to work went fine, I felt great all day. Then on Tuesday, I had really, really low energy. I hung in there all day, but took a 3 hour nap when I got home. I felt like I wasn't getting enough protein or water. Wednesday I progressed to soft foods, so I had 1/2 a scrambled egg for breakfast, 4 ounces of tuna & cottage cheese for lunch and a very small piece of grilled tilapia & canned mixed veggies for dinner. I never felt better. Best food ever! I also made a better effort to slowly sip water all day long. Thursday I had really low energy again and ended up coming home about 3pm. This process involves completely relearning how to eat. Not only do I eat much smaller portions than before, but I have to chew each bite 30 times and cannot drink with meals. It's a challenge. I have three social events coming up this weekend with food involved and I think that will be hard for me. Today I wasn't feeling good and all I wanted to be able to do was eat a normal meal. My old normal. I was craving sour cream chicken enchiladas. I'm going to try and find a healthy, maybe pureed version without a tortilla to satisfy that craving. But I still miss the old version which also included tons of good ol' chips and salsa and maybe rice and beans too. That mental hunger is still a monkey on my back, but I'm working on it, day by day.

WARNING - graphic of gastric sleeve surgery ahead!

Many people have asked about the actual procedure, so I wanted to post an illustration of it. My apologies if this is TMI, feel free to click to the next post if you like. :) They actually removed 80 percent of my stomach. Crazy, right?

Ah, the joys of pureed foods...

I've had lots of people ask me what I can eat now, so I thought I'd share it here. I usually start with a 4-6 oz. protein shake in the morning. Right now I'm in the pureed food stage, so today for lunch I had pureed black beans, fat free sour cream and salsa. Again, about 4-6 oz. For dinner, I got a little more creative. I quickly did a sort of noodless lasagna bake, layering sliced zuchini, mushrooms, fat free ricotta cheese, fat free parmesan, fat free mozarella and low sugar veggie marinara sauce, baked it for 10 minutes to soften, then pureed it. OMG, yum. I took about five bites and was full. Argh! It tasted so delicious, I wanted to keep eating. But my sleeve wouldn't let me. Sigh.

I'm stalling at 25 total pounds lost, including pre- and post-surgery. This is where I always get stuck when on diets, at 25 pounds. It's like my body freaks out and starts storing fat for the winter or something. I started to worry that I'm a freak of nature and maybe this surgery has already stopped working. Jill assures me that this sometimes happens. You will stall, then lose a bunch of weight all of a sudden. I'll keep you posted. Please pray I'm not a freak.

22 Minutes

First I want to say that today, August 13, would have been my dad's 65th birthday. I miss him every day and of course he's been on my mind a lot lately. Today wasn't a sad day, though. Me, Jeff, Carla & Jill met at his grave to pay our respects. Jill and I got there a tad earlier, so we decided to walk around the cemetery. I needed to walk anyway. They ask you to walk several times a day post-surgery and at about the 6 week mark I'll be cleared for more strenuous workouts. Who am I kidding? I may be down 16 pounds, but walking is still difficult for me! We'll see about strenuous workouts.

About 7pm tonight, I remembered that I needed to get more walking in, so I went to the gym at my apartments. Turns out Saturday night is a good time to go, it was completely empty! I put my iPod on shuffle and listened to the most interesting mix of music: The Killers, Imogen Heap, Alanis Morrissette, The Beatles...and that was about the point I wanted to stop. I was almost at 15 minutes, the longest I'd walked at once since surgery. But then John Denver's Rocky Mountain High came on. You cannot stop the iPod when RMH comes on (it's the law), so I kept walking. I smiled because John Denver was my dad's favorite...I felt like daddy sent me a song to help me keep going. After that, even though I was over 15 minutes at this point, Frankie Valli's Oh What A Night played. Mom loved the musical Jersey Boys and Valli's music. So you guessed it, I kept walking, because this was clearly sent to me from momma! I stopped my iPod and the treadmill when I hit 22 minutes and that song was over! Just for grins, I did check to see what the next song would have been. Duran Duran's Union of the Snake...ha!

Sweet 16

I am now down 16 pounds since my surgery nine days ago. I am in complete shock. Recovery is going well...I'm off the pain meds completely and slowly relearning how to eat with a sleeve. It's a journey, that's for sure. OMG. Sixteen pounds. Unbelievable.

Lasagna!

Yesterday Jill helped me clean out my cupboard and get rid of any foods I can't eat and then when went shopping for some yummy pureed food/baby food I can now eat. I was craving lasagna and one of us said, "I doubt there's a baby food lasagna." I initially picked up a Smart Ones lasagna that I'm gonna blend up and maybe add some tomato sauce to. But then, miraculously, we found lasagna in the baby food aisle! We also found Turkey Tettrazini, Macaroni and Cheese and Chicken & Rice. I actually said out loud in the baby food aisle, "Mmmmmmmmmm!" We had to laugh at that. And for the record, the baby food lasagna wasn't half bad...kinda tasted like Spaghettios!

Part Two

Part 1 of my weight loss journey was the surgery. Part 2, and maybe the most important part, is the lifestyle change. The surgery alone will not make me successful. You have to be ready to make these changes. It took me many years to finally be honest with myself and realize that it was time for a change. Maybe it was losing both parents to cancer at the age of 60 within 4 years. Maybe it was the fact that I turn 40 next year. Maybe it was seeing how successful my sister and some other dear friends have been with their surgeries. Whatever it was, I'm thankful I finally took the plunge!

One of the most important parts of this journey is the emotional aspect. I'm reading a great book that was recommended to me by my surgeon's office. It's called The Emotional First Aid Kit: A Practical Guide to Life After Bariatric Surgery. It looks like it's going to be really helpful. Highly recommend it for anyone considering weight loss surgery or for anyone who wants to understand it better. I just read a section about self-talk. If you've known me for any length of time, you probably know that while I try to be positive outwardly, I have the worst negative self-talk! I would NEVER talk to another person the way I talk to myself. I don't know why I do this, but I've worked on changing that for a long time. I love that there are some recent songs out right now that emphasize being good to yourself. Pink's "Perfect" is my new anthem. One of the things the book said to do is to think of your mind as a radio. You can choose to tune into the negative self talk station or tune into the positive self-talk station. My natural instincts are to be pessimistic, so it's a daily struggle for me to tune into the positive station. But keeping my dial tuned in there will only help me be successful on this journey! So if you see/hear me being negative, remind me to retune my dial! :)

mourning the loss of food

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”
~ Anatole France

I’ve known for a long time that I was addicted to food. I ate when I was happy, sad, bored, etc. What I didn’t realize was just how strong “head hunger” can be. We are deluged with images and suggestions of food – it’s everywhere! TV commercials, advertisements and the endless string of fast food chains. I knew to expect head hunger after my surgery and I’ve really been struggling with it the last few days. I’m still recuperating, so I’m watching a lot of TV and movies. Have you ever noticed how big a role food plays in entertainment? Holy cow. I can’t get away from images of pizza, hot dogs, Chinese take out and Starbucks! I did not count on it being this hard. I’m not hungry – I’m eating cream soups, protein shakes and sugar free jello – and it fills  me up. And if I tried to eat something like pizza or a hot dog, I would get violently ill and potentially damage my new stomach “sleeve,” so trust me, that is not happening. Still, head hunger keeps creeping up on me! I miss the shear habit of eating too. I miss sitting down and eating something as simple as a sandwich. Oh my God, a sandwich!

Luckily, in a few days, I progress to pureed foods like mashed potatoes, yogurt and applesauce. Hooray! Then next week, I can start eating soft foods like cottage cheese, scrambled eggs and canned veggies. Eventually I’ll add back in meats and fresh veggies and fruits and be able to eat about what is served on a child’s plate in restaurants. I will survive this…I can do this. And eventually that head hunger will dissipate. I feel like I’m mourning the act of being able to eat. That probably sounds silly to some of you, but that’s what this journey is about for me – leaving my old life behind and starting a new, healthier one. So I need to be patient with myself as I start this new life. I’m leaving the old behind, but just look at what I’m gaining! (err, losing!) ;)

TEN!!!

Oh my God! When I weighed earlier today, I had to do a double take. I have lost 10 pounds already! Holy cow. I can hardly believe it. That, combined with my pre-op diet weight loss of 9 means I'm already almost down 20 pounds. Today was the first day that I felt well enough to celebrate the results! I've now set a goal to lose a certain amount by Oct. 16, the weekend before a good friend's wedding. If I can reach that goal, I might just have to buy a new dress for the wedding!

I also took my first adventure outside the house. Jill and I went to the pharmacy and to my apartment to check on my kitties. It was good to see them! Miss those little boogers. Big thank yous to my brother Jeff and Aunt Becky for taking care of them while I've been recuperating! That little trip wore me out, though. Amazed at how much surgery kicks your butt.

Stir Crazy

I didn't think it would happen this quickly, but I am going stir crazy! I have a ton of books and magazines to read, things to work online on, lots of movies to watch, but I am tired of being couped up in the house! I know that I will take one step outside in this 1,000 degree heat and change my mind, but I really think I want to venture outside today. Maybe I'll go see my kitties and pat them on their heads. 

Otherwise, I'm doing really well. Keeping liquids down, drinking lots of water, walking several times a day on the treadmill (very slowly, but it's something), and managing the pain. Sometimes I wait too long before taking pain meds again, but it's really just that one incision area that still hurts. It's hard to imagine that in a week I will have to start wearing real clothes again and go back to work. Eek. I may be stir crazy, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. This lifestyle is just so different. Four ounces of fluid is a meal right now. Blows my mind.

Thank you for all the support!

I have the best support system in the world! I have been overwhelmed with emails, texts, calls, cards, flowers, gifts, prayers...seriously, y'all rock! I just wanted to send a giant thank you out to everyone because it is helping me keep plugging along. I've never had major surgery before, but after all this outpouring of love, I'm considering doing it more often. Just kidding. I wouldn't go that far. But seriously, THANK YOU! I love you all, man. And that's not just the pain meds talking. ;)

better

Feeling a little better this morning and down another pound...woo hoo. I got lots of sleep last night and I'm about to go take another nap...I've only been awake for two hours. I like this part of recuperating. :)

cream soup day!

Today I got to add cream soups, milk and V-8 to my diet! Delicious. I'll be on this leg of the plan for 4 days. I was feeling good most of the day, but I took a 4 hour nap in the afternoon. Ever since then, I haven't felt good. Can't pinpoint it, just uncomfortable. I've been walking because they say that helps. I had to call the doctor tonight because one of my incisions looks infected. It's red and bruised and hot to the touch. Ugh. She called in an antibiotic, that should make me feel better. Ok, time for pain meds again. Nighty night.

Pound by pound

So I've lost about five pounds since the surgery. I still have a lot of swelling and inflammation, so hopefully when that goes down, there will be more weight loss. I had lost nine pounds on the low carb, pre-op diet, so that's not bad - 14 pounds in three weeks. It's not magic, but this is definitely a tool that will help me greatly. I do wish the pain was subsiding a little more quickly, but I guess I just need to take it pound by pound and day by day.

Made it through surgery

Nervous. That was my overwhelming feeling as we arrived at the hospital. They really should give you sedatives before you arrive, just sayin. So they handed me a paper “warming” robe and I looked at Jill and said, “They didn’t research fat people, did they?” Later, I found out that you could hook up an air tube to the robe that air-conditioned it. Oh yeah, Jenn was happy then. There was a flurry of activity and before I knew it, a really funny guy was wheeling me back to anesthesia. I remember moving over onto their table and commenting on the funny blue lights, then they started to cover my mouth with the oxygen mask. I panicked and grabbed one of the guy’s hands. He held it until I fell asleep. The next thing I remember was waking up in recovery. It was a really busy place and I remember them changing my robe and I remember being freaked out that I was being changed in front of all those people! But I was completely out of it, so I couldn’t do a thing about it.  Apparently my surgery only took an hour and a half, but I was in recovery for like three hours. They never told me why…apparently the surgery went well.

I was really out of it, but I remember that Jill was in my room waiting for me and that Jeff, Carla & Aunt Becky visited and brought me gifts. Tons of other friends and family texted and called to check on me…thank you! I have the best support system in the world.

Wednesday morning I was a little more lucid and had gone without any water since midnight before surgery! I was more than ready when they came to get me to do an X-ray to be sure that the sleeve the surgeon created after removing 80 percent of my stomach wasn’t leaking. So the first thing I drank after surgery was barium stuff so that they could see potential leaks. Bleh. Then the news came back that I was cleared for liquids! So my first “meal” was an ounce of water, an ounce of broth and an ounce of sugar free jello.

I’ll blog more later…need to rest!

No water for you!

Well, it's just after midnight, the night before my surgery. I was on sugar-free, clear liquids only today. Not easy. And now, I cannot even have water until after my surgery. Apparently way after my surgery...they have to test to be sure the new "sleeve" they create isn't leaking, so it will be well into the next day before I get to drink. I like water, particularly when it's 107 degrees outside. A friend of mine recommended just getting as many pain meds as I can get and sleeping so I won't think about it. Sleeping...not sure that's something I'll be doing much of tonight. I called my brother earlier for a pep talk and he said, "You'll be alright, home skillet." Ahhh...now I feel much better. :)

Wheel in the Sky

I changed my mind! In case something does happen, I do have a preference on which Journey song is sung/played at my funeral (see earlier post)! Wheel in the Sky. Duh. It's perfect. :)

Wheel In The Sky lyrics
Songwriters: Schon, Neal; Valory, Diane; Fleischman, Robert;

Winter is here again, O Lord
Haven't been home in a year or more
I hope she holds on a little longer
Sent a letter on a long summer day
Made of silver, not of clay
Ohh I've been runnin' round this dusty road

Ooh, the wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'
I don't know where I'll be tomorrow
Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'

I've been trying to make it home
Got to make it, before too long
Ooh, I can't take this very much longer, no
I'm stranded in a sleet of rain
Don't think I'm ever gonna make it home again
The mornin' sun is risin'
It's kissin' the day

( From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/j/journey-lyrics/wheel-in-the-sky-lyrics.html )
Ooh, the wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'
I don't know where I'll be tomorrow
Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'
Wo oh wo oh wo
My my my my my
For tomorrow

Ahh

Ooh, the wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'
Ooh I don't know where I'll be tomorrow
Wheel in the sky keeps me yearnin'
Ooh I don't know, I don't know

Ohh, the wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'
Ooh I don't know where I'll be tomorrow
Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'
Ooh I don't know, I don't know, I don't know

Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'
Don't know where I'll be tomorrow
Ooh the wheel in the sky keeps turnin'
Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'a

You've been warned...

OMG, my surgery is two days away! Tomorrow I have to be on an all clear liquid diet, no food at all, so suddenly this low carb thing ain’t looking so bad. It’s been a rough weekend – I’m a nervous wreck. First, my computer went out and is in for repairs, so I haven’t been able to blog. I started this blog as a way to get all the emotions of this journey out. (Thanks to my sister for letting me borrow her computer to write this.) Then, something really stressful happened at work just before I left for two weeks to have major surgery. Could have done without that drama. And for some reason I have been crying at the drop of a hat all weekend. I miss my parents and wish they could be here to see this. I know they are watching over me and I have two of the best angels ever for surgery day! But still, I wish they were here. I’m excited, don’t get me wrong, but I’m also frightened about the journey. My life will never be the same. I will never be able to sit and eat an entire pint of ice cream in one sitting. Thank God. I will have to find other things to focus on and turn to besides food. Panic! What will that be? They say they watch patients to be sure they don’t turn to other destructive, negative behaviors like drugs and alcohol. Maybe I’ll write more! Or maybe I’ll start painting or doing crafts more. I used to love doing crafts! Maybe I’ll finally finish that screenplay I started writing more than 10 years ago! The opportunities are endless. I know that this is a new beginning for me and I’m trying to stay focused on the positive. But that didn’t stop me from sending my siblings a “what to do if something happens to me email” earlier today. My sister laughed at me for it, but wouldn’t you rather know what songs someone wants at his or her funeral than to guess? For the record, I asked for Imagine by John Lennon, All This Joy by John Denver, the hymn This is My Father’s World and some Journey song. Doesn’t matter which one, just Journey. Tomorrow I am sleeping late, drinking some breakfast, getting a massage and then going to a 2 hour pre-op appointment. If you see me, it might be a good idea to avoid me since I will not be able to eat real food. I don’t think it’s going to be pretty. You’ve been warned! ;)

No carb CHOCOLATE!

I have found something that is going to save my life -- non-fat, no carb chocolate sauce! I don't know how they do it and I don't want to know. All I know is that I can eat it on my pre-op diet! I ate 5 strawberries with chocolate sauce, which equals approximately 5 carbs! OMG, seriously...you have no idea how happy this makes me!

scaredy cat

I’ve reached the scaredy cat point in my journey. Last week, I had to pre-pay for my surgery and the first thought I had was, “They’re making me pay ahead of time in case I die on the table!” I know that’s not really true…although it might be partly true since I am self-pay and this surgery is not covered by insurance.

Anyway, the lack of carbs got to me by the end of the week. By the way, it is totally unfair that even fruit is full of carbs!!! Yesterday while driving around with my sister, I started crying because it all just got too hard. I was mad that it got hard for me within a week. Seriously? I can’t even stick to a diet for a week???? I started crying about it at one point. That’s when I realized it was about more than food deprivation. I’m starting to get a little scared about the surgery itself and about the healing process. But Jill helped me remember that this is all worth it. She said, “I’m not going to tell you that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, because that’s not true.” Ha. She helped me remember that I will be able to eat most foods again – just much smaller portions of them. And that’s ok, portion sizes in this country are out of control anyway!

I know that this surgery will help with the cravings and help me to feel full sooner. The nutritionist I met with the other day said it correctly, “Food is a drug.” Some people don’t believe this, but it’s so true. Some people’s brain chemistry literally changes even if all they do is THINK about certain foods! Some people can walk by cake and say, “Yum, cake,” then walk on by and not think about it again. I will now be thinking about cake for the rest of the day, just because I typed the word!

Today has been hard too – I’ve just been hungry ALL day! I keep eating more and more protein. Not working. Ugh. But then I went to check my mail. Aunt Becky, grandma & grandpa sent me the sweetest card. It had this picture of a cat eating salad on it and made me smile. And their words of encouragement inside made me smile (and cry) even more. I can do this – and I have the best support system in the world. I love you guys!

Amazing feat of the weekend: I went to Chuy’s Mexican restaurant Saturday with my siblings and did not eat one chip or tortilla! I had the Mexicobb salad. I did ingest the carbs in their jalepeno ranch dressing…I mean, I do get 30 carbs a day and that ranch is well worth it!

Nuts, bites and artificial sweetener!

Had to run an errand after work tonight and knew I wouldn't be able to eat until later, so I desperately stopped in Wal-mart for some high protein, no/low carb snacks. I found two of the most delicious ones ever! Those little turkey bites are like 80 calories and less than 1 carb for six of them! YUM!


Had my nutrition class this morning. No real surprises, except that some Gastric Sleeve patients can't tolerate cold water after surgery. What?!!? I love cold water! I hope this is not the case for me!


Almost forgot to mention that I had my first near breakdown at Wal-mart. First of all, you are surrounded by carbs in that place! Ridiculous. In class this morning, we talked about perimeter shopping - shop the deli, the egg and cheese and meat cases and then the produce section. They're all on the perimeter of the store. It's that stuff in the middle that gets you in trouble. Well, not all of it, but you get the idea. Wal-mart is a different beast. But that's not what got to me. I was sweating like crazy (it was only 102 degrees out today) and decided to order an iced tea from the McDonald's inside Wal-mart. They simply could not understand why I needed unsweet tea, only to put sweetener in it after getting it. I tried to calmly explain that some people can't have real sugar. They just could not understand. Finally, they found the damn Equal packets. Really? Am I the ONLY person asking for artificial sweetener?!?!? ARGH!

Pound of Pasta, Please!

Ok, day 3 of my pre-op diet was a little more difficult. Started out good - ate veggie sausage patties for breakfast. For lunch, I had a very small, thin piece of chopped steak with stewed okra and steamed carrots. After a stressful appointment in the afternoon and getting stuck in traffic at 104 degrees outside (and my A/C is acting up) for over an hour, I was ready to eat all carbs, all the time! I came home and ate some nuts and two string cheeses and put some chicken out to thaw. I ended up baking two chicken breasts - one for today, one for tomorrow. For dinner I covered one of the chicken breasts with roasted red pepper spaghetti sauce and Parmesan cheese and sautéed zucchini in olive oil spray. I'm full, but I'm pretty sure I could eat an entire loaf of bread or a pound of pasta right now!

Day 2 of pre-op, low carb eating

I was downtown at lunchtime, so I decided I wanted good food and stopped at Threadgill's. Who knew low carb eating could look so good? Grilled tilapia with black beans and steamed broccoli. And I even turned down the rolls and cornbread! Nevermind that it is now 3pm and I would knock over small children to get to it if someone walked in with ice cream! I can do this, I can do this...one day at at time.

“Don’t you think you should try to lose weight the regular way first?”

I decided from the beginning that I wanted to be as up front and honest with people about my surgery as possible, knowing full well that there are still some people who don’t agree with it. I’ve already had one person ask me, “Don’t you think you should try to lose weight the regular way first?” I almost laughed. Which way? The Atkins Diet? South Beach? Jenny Craig? Weight Watchers? The Cabbage Soup Diet? Diet pills? Been there, done that. And had some success. Then there are the people who say things like, “Ooh, aren’t there a lot of risks with surgeries like that?” Yep, there are. I’ve researched the risks, talked to several people who’ve had weight loss surgery and I’m on an online forum where I can get even more info. The bottom line is that the risks of living life with all this excess weight far outweigh the risks of surgery. I’m not the kind of person who takes risks, so making the decision to have this surgery is a big step for me. I’m also kind of wishy-washy and have a hard time making decisions, but not this time. This is without a doubt the right thing to do.

My last supper

I was the typical "I'm about to have weight loss surgery" patient this weekend. I had pizza, ice cream, chips and salsa and the earlier mentioned Chinese food. And tonight, I had my last supper. I chose Maggiano's Little Italy for my decadence and they did not disappoint. Fried calamari with marinara sauce, Crab and shrimp canneloni and tiramisu and creme brulee for dessert. OMG. Perfect. Last. Supper. Thank you Jill and Mike for coming along with me. :)

The Last Crab Rangoon

I have now officially eaten my last crab rangoon. Ok, I will probably be able to eat one again, but last night was the last time I will ever be able to eat two crab rangoons, hot and sour soup and an entire order of sesame chicken (from China Wall in Round Rock, of course) in one sitting. Tomorrow my journey to Weight Loss Surgery (WLS) begins! My journey actually began a long time ago as I’ve been thinking about this for many years. But tomorrow is when I start my pre-op diet, which is basically a lot like the Atkins Diet. I’ve met with the surgeon and I’ve decided to have the Sleeve Gastrectomy (the Sleeve). My surgery date is two weeks away – on Tuesday, Aug. 2, 2011! I am more excited than I am nervous, but I know the nerves will come.

The Sleeve involves dividing the stomach and stapling it vertically, creating a sleeve that can hold a small volume of food. Approximately 85 percent of the stomach is removed. It sounds scary, I know. But, it’s actually less invasive and complicated than the Gastric Bypass surgery and after weighing all the options, it’s the best choice for me. Most patients loose on average 60-70 percent of their excess weight.

I’m usually very wishy-washy and have trouble making decisions, but not this time. I am absolutely, without a doubt, ready to change my life and be healthier. I am paying cash for this surgery because my health insurance doesn’t cover it. And the only reason that I am able to do this is because I received some money from my mom’s life insurance policy. This is an unbelievable gift that my mom has given me and I know that she is looking down on me and smiling about this decision. This surgery is not a magic cure-all. There is still a lot of work ahead of me, my life will be completely different. This surgery is simply a tool to help me on my journey. I feel like I haven’t been living my life to its full potential and I am READY. Next year I will be 40. So 40 is the new 20, right? What better way to start this new era: a healthier, happier, Slim Jenn! J

For those wondering, there are descriptions of the various surgeries located here: http://www.southwestbariatric.com/essentials.asp#Sleeve