Wheel in the Sky

I changed my mind! In case something does happen, I do have a preference on which Journey song is sung/played at my funeral (see earlier post)! Wheel in the Sky. Duh. It's perfect. :)

Wheel In The Sky lyrics
Songwriters: Schon, Neal; Valory, Diane; Fleischman, Robert;

Winter is here again, O Lord
Haven't been home in a year or more
I hope she holds on a little longer
Sent a letter on a long summer day
Made of silver, not of clay
Ohh I've been runnin' round this dusty road

Ooh, the wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'
I don't know where I'll be tomorrow
Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'

I've been trying to make it home
Got to make it, before too long
Ooh, I can't take this very much longer, no
I'm stranded in a sleet of rain
Don't think I'm ever gonna make it home again
The mornin' sun is risin'
It's kissin' the day

( From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/j/journey-lyrics/wheel-in-the-sky-lyrics.html )
Ooh, the wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'
I don't know where I'll be tomorrow
Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'
Wo oh wo oh wo
My my my my my
For tomorrow

Ahh

Ooh, the wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'
Ooh I don't know where I'll be tomorrow
Wheel in the sky keeps me yearnin'
Ooh I don't know, I don't know

Ohh, the wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'
Ooh I don't know where I'll be tomorrow
Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'
Ooh I don't know, I don't know, I don't know

Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'
Don't know where I'll be tomorrow
Ooh the wheel in the sky keeps turnin'
Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'a

You've been warned...

OMG, my surgery is two days away! Tomorrow I have to be on an all clear liquid diet, no food at all, so suddenly this low carb thing ain’t looking so bad. It’s been a rough weekend – I’m a nervous wreck. First, my computer went out and is in for repairs, so I haven’t been able to blog. I started this blog as a way to get all the emotions of this journey out. (Thanks to my sister for letting me borrow her computer to write this.) Then, something really stressful happened at work just before I left for two weeks to have major surgery. Could have done without that drama. And for some reason I have been crying at the drop of a hat all weekend. I miss my parents and wish they could be here to see this. I know they are watching over me and I have two of the best angels ever for surgery day! But still, I wish they were here. I’m excited, don’t get me wrong, but I’m also frightened about the journey. My life will never be the same. I will never be able to sit and eat an entire pint of ice cream in one sitting. Thank God. I will have to find other things to focus on and turn to besides food. Panic! What will that be? They say they watch patients to be sure they don’t turn to other destructive, negative behaviors like drugs and alcohol. Maybe I’ll write more! Or maybe I’ll start painting or doing crafts more. I used to love doing crafts! Maybe I’ll finally finish that screenplay I started writing more than 10 years ago! The opportunities are endless. I know that this is a new beginning for me and I’m trying to stay focused on the positive. But that didn’t stop me from sending my siblings a “what to do if something happens to me email” earlier today. My sister laughed at me for it, but wouldn’t you rather know what songs someone wants at his or her funeral than to guess? For the record, I asked for Imagine by John Lennon, All This Joy by John Denver, the hymn This is My Father’s World and some Journey song. Doesn’t matter which one, just Journey. Tomorrow I am sleeping late, drinking some breakfast, getting a massage and then going to a 2 hour pre-op appointment. If you see me, it might be a good idea to avoid me since I will not be able to eat real food. I don’t think it’s going to be pretty. You’ve been warned! ;)

No carb CHOCOLATE!

I have found something that is going to save my life -- non-fat, no carb chocolate sauce! I don't know how they do it and I don't want to know. All I know is that I can eat it on my pre-op diet! I ate 5 strawberries with chocolate sauce, which equals approximately 5 carbs! OMG, seriously...you have no idea how happy this makes me!

scaredy cat

I’ve reached the scaredy cat point in my journey. Last week, I had to pre-pay for my surgery and the first thought I had was, “They’re making me pay ahead of time in case I die on the table!” I know that’s not really true…although it might be partly true since I am self-pay and this surgery is not covered by insurance.

Anyway, the lack of carbs got to me by the end of the week. By the way, it is totally unfair that even fruit is full of carbs!!! Yesterday while driving around with my sister, I started crying because it all just got too hard. I was mad that it got hard for me within a week. Seriously? I can’t even stick to a diet for a week???? I started crying about it at one point. That’s when I realized it was about more than food deprivation. I’m starting to get a little scared about the surgery itself and about the healing process. But Jill helped me remember that this is all worth it. She said, “I’m not going to tell you that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, because that’s not true.” Ha. She helped me remember that I will be able to eat most foods again – just much smaller portions of them. And that’s ok, portion sizes in this country are out of control anyway!

I know that this surgery will help with the cravings and help me to feel full sooner. The nutritionist I met with the other day said it correctly, “Food is a drug.” Some people don’t believe this, but it’s so true. Some people’s brain chemistry literally changes even if all they do is THINK about certain foods! Some people can walk by cake and say, “Yum, cake,” then walk on by and not think about it again. I will now be thinking about cake for the rest of the day, just because I typed the word!

Today has been hard too – I’ve just been hungry ALL day! I keep eating more and more protein. Not working. Ugh. But then I went to check my mail. Aunt Becky, grandma & grandpa sent me the sweetest card. It had this picture of a cat eating salad on it and made me smile. And their words of encouragement inside made me smile (and cry) even more. I can do this – and I have the best support system in the world. I love you guys!

Amazing feat of the weekend: I went to Chuy’s Mexican restaurant Saturday with my siblings and did not eat one chip or tortilla! I had the Mexicobb salad. I did ingest the carbs in their jalepeno ranch dressing…I mean, I do get 30 carbs a day and that ranch is well worth it!

Nuts, bites and artificial sweetener!

Had to run an errand after work tonight and knew I wouldn't be able to eat until later, so I desperately stopped in Wal-mart for some high protein, no/low carb snacks. I found two of the most delicious ones ever! Those little turkey bites are like 80 calories and less than 1 carb for six of them! YUM!


Had my nutrition class this morning. No real surprises, except that some Gastric Sleeve patients can't tolerate cold water after surgery. What?!!? I love cold water! I hope this is not the case for me!


Almost forgot to mention that I had my first near breakdown at Wal-mart. First of all, you are surrounded by carbs in that place! Ridiculous. In class this morning, we talked about perimeter shopping - shop the deli, the egg and cheese and meat cases and then the produce section. They're all on the perimeter of the store. It's that stuff in the middle that gets you in trouble. Well, not all of it, but you get the idea. Wal-mart is a different beast. But that's not what got to me. I was sweating like crazy (it was only 102 degrees out today) and decided to order an iced tea from the McDonald's inside Wal-mart. They simply could not understand why I needed unsweet tea, only to put sweetener in it after getting it. I tried to calmly explain that some people can't have real sugar. They just could not understand. Finally, they found the damn Equal packets. Really? Am I the ONLY person asking for artificial sweetener?!?!? ARGH!

Pound of Pasta, Please!

Ok, day 3 of my pre-op diet was a little more difficult. Started out good - ate veggie sausage patties for breakfast. For lunch, I had a very small, thin piece of chopped steak with stewed okra and steamed carrots. After a stressful appointment in the afternoon and getting stuck in traffic at 104 degrees outside (and my A/C is acting up) for over an hour, I was ready to eat all carbs, all the time! I came home and ate some nuts and two string cheeses and put some chicken out to thaw. I ended up baking two chicken breasts - one for today, one for tomorrow. For dinner I covered one of the chicken breasts with roasted red pepper spaghetti sauce and Parmesan cheese and sautéed zucchini in olive oil spray. I'm full, but I'm pretty sure I could eat an entire loaf of bread or a pound of pasta right now!

Day 2 of pre-op, low carb eating

I was downtown at lunchtime, so I decided I wanted good food and stopped at Threadgill's. Who knew low carb eating could look so good? Grilled tilapia with black beans and steamed broccoli. And I even turned down the rolls and cornbread! Nevermind that it is now 3pm and I would knock over small children to get to it if someone walked in with ice cream! I can do this, I can do this...one day at at time.

“Don’t you think you should try to lose weight the regular way first?”

I decided from the beginning that I wanted to be as up front and honest with people about my surgery as possible, knowing full well that there are still some people who don’t agree with it. I’ve already had one person ask me, “Don’t you think you should try to lose weight the regular way first?” I almost laughed. Which way? The Atkins Diet? South Beach? Jenny Craig? Weight Watchers? The Cabbage Soup Diet? Diet pills? Been there, done that. And had some success. Then there are the people who say things like, “Ooh, aren’t there a lot of risks with surgeries like that?” Yep, there are. I’ve researched the risks, talked to several people who’ve had weight loss surgery and I’m on an online forum where I can get even more info. The bottom line is that the risks of living life with all this excess weight far outweigh the risks of surgery. I’m not the kind of person who takes risks, so making the decision to have this surgery is a big step for me. I’m also kind of wishy-washy and have a hard time making decisions, but not this time. This is without a doubt the right thing to do.

My last supper

I was the typical "I'm about to have weight loss surgery" patient this weekend. I had pizza, ice cream, chips and salsa and the earlier mentioned Chinese food. And tonight, I had my last supper. I chose Maggiano's Little Italy for my decadence and they did not disappoint. Fried calamari with marinara sauce, Crab and shrimp canneloni and tiramisu and creme brulee for dessert. OMG. Perfect. Last. Supper. Thank you Jill and Mike for coming along with me. :)

The Last Crab Rangoon

I have now officially eaten my last crab rangoon. Ok, I will probably be able to eat one again, but last night was the last time I will ever be able to eat two crab rangoons, hot and sour soup and an entire order of sesame chicken (from China Wall in Round Rock, of course) in one sitting. Tomorrow my journey to Weight Loss Surgery (WLS) begins! My journey actually began a long time ago as I’ve been thinking about this for many years. But tomorrow is when I start my pre-op diet, which is basically a lot like the Atkins Diet. I’ve met with the surgeon and I’ve decided to have the Sleeve Gastrectomy (the Sleeve). My surgery date is two weeks away – on Tuesday, Aug. 2, 2011! I am more excited than I am nervous, but I know the nerves will come.

The Sleeve involves dividing the stomach and stapling it vertically, creating a sleeve that can hold a small volume of food. Approximately 85 percent of the stomach is removed. It sounds scary, I know. But, it’s actually less invasive and complicated than the Gastric Bypass surgery and after weighing all the options, it’s the best choice for me. Most patients loose on average 60-70 percent of their excess weight.

I’m usually very wishy-washy and have trouble making decisions, but not this time. I am absolutely, without a doubt, ready to change my life and be healthier. I am paying cash for this surgery because my health insurance doesn’t cover it. And the only reason that I am able to do this is because I received some money from my mom’s life insurance policy. This is an unbelievable gift that my mom has given me and I know that she is looking down on me and smiling about this decision. This surgery is not a magic cure-all. There is still a lot of work ahead of me, my life will be completely different. This surgery is simply a tool to help me on my journey. I feel like I haven’t been living my life to its full potential and I am READY. Next year I will be 40. So 40 is the new 20, right? What better way to start this new era: a healthier, happier, Slim Jenn! J

For those wondering, there are descriptions of the various surgeries located here: http://www.southwestbariatric.com/essentials.asp#Sleeve