I’ve reached the scaredy cat point in my journey. Last week, I had to pre-pay for my surgery and the first thought I had was, “They’re making me pay ahead of time in case I die on the table!” I know that’s not really true…although it might be partly true since I am self-pay and this surgery is not covered by insurance.
Anyway, the lack of carbs got to me by the end of the week. By the way, it is totally unfair that even fruit is full of carbs!!! Yesterday while driving around with my sister, I started crying because it all just got too hard. I was mad that it got hard for me within a week. Seriously? I can’t even stick to a diet for a week???? I started crying about it at one point. That’s when I realized it was about more than food deprivation. I’m starting to get a little scared about the surgery itself and about the healing process. But Jill helped me remember that this is all worth it. She said, “I’m not going to tell you that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, because that’s not true.” Ha. She helped me remember that I will be able to eat most foods again – just much smaller portions of them. And that’s ok, portion sizes in this country are out of control anyway!
I know that this surgery will help with the cravings and help me to feel full sooner. The nutritionist I met with the other day said it correctly, “Food is a drug.” Some people don’t believe this, but it’s so true. Some people’s brain chemistry literally changes even if all they do is THINK about certain foods! Some people can walk by cake and say, “Yum, cake,” then walk on by and not think about it again. I will now be thinking about cake for the rest of the day, just because I typed the word!
Anyway, the lack of carbs got to me by the end of the week. By the way, it is totally unfair that even fruit is full of carbs!!! Yesterday while driving around with my sister, I started crying because it all just got too hard. I was mad that it got hard for me within a week. Seriously? I can’t even stick to a diet for a week???? I started crying about it at one point. That’s when I realized it was about more than food deprivation. I’m starting to get a little scared about the surgery itself and about the healing process. But Jill helped me remember that this is all worth it. She said, “I’m not going to tell you that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, because that’s not true.” Ha. She helped me remember that I will be able to eat most foods again – just much smaller portions of them. And that’s ok, portion sizes in this country are out of control anyway!
I know that this surgery will help with the cravings and help me to feel full sooner. The nutritionist I met with the other day said it correctly, “Food is a drug.” Some people don’t believe this, but it’s so true. Some people’s brain chemistry literally changes even if all they do is THINK about certain foods! Some people can walk by cake and say, “Yum, cake,” then walk on by and not think about it again. I will now be thinking about cake for the rest of the day, just because I typed the word!
Today has been hard too – I’ve just been hungry ALL day! I keep eating more and more protein. Not working. Ugh. But then I went to check my mail. Aunt Becky, grandma & grandpa sent me the sweetest card. It had this picture of a cat eating salad on it and made me smile. And their words of encouragement inside made me smile (and cry) even more. I can do this – and I have the best support system in the world. I love you guys!
Amazing feat of the weekend: I went to Chuy’s Mexican restaurant Saturday with my siblings and did not eat one chip or tortilla! I had the Mexicobb salad. I did ingest the carbs in their jalepeno ranch dressing…I mean, I do get 30 carbs a day and that ranch is well worth it!
I'm proud of you! Here's a free tip: don't go to Mexican food restraunts! ;)
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