Smoke Signals

So for the last couple of weeks, I have been smelling/tasting "smoke" and couldn't figure out why. It's almost like I've been at a bar or tried to eat an ashtray at times. And I don't smoke or hang around people who smoke. It freaked me out at first because we're in an extreme drought in Central Texas and have had massive wildfires, so I walked around checking for fires for a few days.

Finally, I googled it...the most likely reasons are acid reflux and/or anemia. Apparently people who experience rapid weight loss experience this kind of reflux...instead of the usual reflux symptoms. Or they don't absorb nutrients as well and that causes a lack of iron, hence the anemia. I'll be asking my doctor about this for sure! There are also some scary things that people suggested, like brain tumors, MS, seizure disorders, stroke, migraine, etc. But then I found this post and decided I like this explanation the best:

Post Date: 3/17/10 4:57 am
Some American Indian tribes believe that when you smell smoke and nothing is burning it is because spirits from your family are close to you.  Sounds kind of comforting to me.

Maybe mom and dad are just sending me smoke signals, letting me know they're with me on this journey. The smoke smell had to be dad's idea. I do think of him every time I smell cigarette smoke. Good one, daddy.

bones

The following is a real text conversation I had with my sister tonight...
Me: I just rubbed my arm and felt bone. I can't stop rubbing it.
Jill: Ha ha ha ha
Me: There used to be fat there!
Jill: Your whole arm???
Me: No, just the bottom part near my hand. I can feel the line of the bone. Yay!
Jill: I think they call that a wrist! :)
Me: Omg, you're right! I'm laughing so hard right now. I seriously didn't know what to call it!

Speaking of wrists, my carpal tunnel is completely gone. No pain at all since surgery...and I was contemplating carpal tunnel surgery! I'm now at 36 pounds down! And I bought an XL t-shirt at the Journey concert in Dallas this weekend. Not a 2XL or  a 3XL, but an XL. And it fit...in fact, it might be too big soon.

XL

My sister just returned from a vacation to California where she bought me a t-shirt...one of those "girl cut," tight fitting t-shirts...and it's an XL. (Although I argue that you can call this tiny thing an XL, it looks like a 12 year old should wear it!) Before I could say anything, she said, "Don't worry, it'll fit you soon, I promise!" It'll be awhile and I still can't believe it will fit me, but I cannot wait to wear it. I took a photo of it next to one of my 3XL shirts I wear a lot. The green shirt was always big on me and not tight-fitting, but you can see what a big difference this will be when I get there. Wow, just wow.

Oh yeah! I've now lost 31 pounds since surgery!

Gooooooaaaaaalllllll!

Bust out the Vuvuzelas (or whatever those silly horns from World Cup Soccer were called)! As of today...and only if I'm completely nude...I have lost 29 pounds since surgery. That puts me at a benchmark weight I had hoped I would reach by Labor Day. It's a number I haven't seen in at least 10 years and I am so, so happy. With clothes on, I've lost closer to 27 pounds, but that's still cause for celebration! I reached my first gooooaaaaaalllllll!

"The Look"

I've fallen down on my blog writing duties since I went back to work a couple weeks ago. Sorry for that. It's going well. I've now lost 25 pounds since my surgery three and a half weeks ago. I'm getting used to a completely different life and it's getting easier. There have been a few difficult moments, but I'm doing good. Lunchtime at work is hard because I was so used to going out to eat, meeting someone for lunch. Forget the food, I'm really missing the social aspect of lunch! It helped to get out of the office for an hour.

Another thing I'm getting used to is what I call, "the look." When I see people I haven't seen since surgery and they ask how I'm doing, I tell them well and that I've lost 25 pounds. Most people don't skip a beat, they just smile and exclaim, "That's awesome!" (or something like that) Then there are the people who cock their heads and give me "the look." I can tell they're thinking, "But she's still fat." And that's ok. I am still fat. This surgery was not a magic trick that will suddenly make me a supermodel. There's work -- and time -- involved. I didn't get fat overnight, despite my arguments to the contrary. So it will take me awhile to slim down. And I honestly cannot picture myself "slim" -- ever. But, I can picture myself healthier. And that's what this is about. Twenty five pounds makes a huge difference. Whether other people can see it yet or not doesn't matter. My clothes fit better, I have more energy, I swear I'm sleeping better and I kid you not...I haven't had ANY carpal tunnel pain, even after I went back to work. So I don't mind "the look," because I also had several people tell me this week that it is starting to show...and that made it all worth it. :)

Boo

I've been amazed at how well I've been doing since surgery, considering it was my first major surgery ever. I should have known that wouldn't last. About 6am this morning, I was awakened by a dull, deep pain under my right rib cage. At first I thought I just slept funny, so I got up and walked around, stretched, then tried to lay back down. Then the pain moved all the way around me to the back side and settled under my right shoulder blade. Now it was an intense, sharp pain. Worst pain I've ever felt. I called the Medical Exchange number and took Gas X, hoping it was just severe gas. Nope. Waited and waited for them to call me back. Finally, a little before 9am I called the doctor's office. My doc is on vacation, so I left a message with the medical assistant. About the time they finally called back, I had just run to the bathroom to vomit. This is the first time in three weeks since surgery that I've gotten sick like that, which is almost unheard of. So I guess I'm lucky. Finally, an on-call doctor called back, listened to my symptoms and told me she thinks it's my gall bladder. I'm not happy about this, because I specifically asked them if it needed to be removed at the same time they did the other surgery. They did an ultrasound and then said that I didn't need to do it. Argh. I find it hard to believe that it changed in just three weeks! So they want me to get another ultrasound...and I'm guessing this will require another surgery. Boo.

It may have been throwing up or laying on the heating pad that did it, but I'd like to think it was something bigger at play. I am a big baby when I don't feel well and the only thing I could think of was, "I want my mommy and daddy!" So I cried out loud to both my mom and my dad and told them I needed help. (This was after praying several times too). I swear to you, about 10 minutes later, the pain finally started subsiding. My angels helped me. I'm convinced. Thanks mom and dad!

Monkey on my back

This week held two big benchmarks along my journey - returning to work full time and progressing to eating "soft foods." My first day back to work went fine, I felt great all day. Then on Tuesday, I had really, really low energy. I hung in there all day, but took a 3 hour nap when I got home. I felt like I wasn't getting enough protein or water. Wednesday I progressed to soft foods, so I had 1/2 a scrambled egg for breakfast, 4 ounces of tuna & cottage cheese for lunch and a very small piece of grilled tilapia & canned mixed veggies for dinner. I never felt better. Best food ever! I also made a better effort to slowly sip water all day long. Thursday I had really low energy again and ended up coming home about 3pm. This process involves completely relearning how to eat. Not only do I eat much smaller portions than before, but I have to chew each bite 30 times and cannot drink with meals. It's a challenge. I have three social events coming up this weekend with food involved and I think that will be hard for me. Today I wasn't feeling good and all I wanted to be able to do was eat a normal meal. My old normal. I was craving sour cream chicken enchiladas. I'm going to try and find a healthy, maybe pureed version without a tortilla to satisfy that craving. But I still miss the old version which also included tons of good ol' chips and salsa and maybe rice and beans too. That mental hunger is still a monkey on my back, but I'm working on it, day by day.