"The Look"

I've fallen down on my blog writing duties since I went back to work a couple weeks ago. Sorry for that. It's going well. I've now lost 25 pounds since my surgery three and a half weeks ago. I'm getting used to a completely different life and it's getting easier. There have been a few difficult moments, but I'm doing good. Lunchtime at work is hard because I was so used to going out to eat, meeting someone for lunch. Forget the food, I'm really missing the social aspect of lunch! It helped to get out of the office for an hour.

Another thing I'm getting used to is what I call, "the look." When I see people I haven't seen since surgery and they ask how I'm doing, I tell them well and that I've lost 25 pounds. Most people don't skip a beat, they just smile and exclaim, "That's awesome!" (or something like that) Then there are the people who cock their heads and give me "the look." I can tell they're thinking, "But she's still fat." And that's ok. I am still fat. This surgery was not a magic trick that will suddenly make me a supermodel. There's work -- and time -- involved. I didn't get fat overnight, despite my arguments to the contrary. So it will take me awhile to slim down. And I honestly cannot picture myself "slim" -- ever. But, I can picture myself healthier. And that's what this is about. Twenty five pounds makes a huge difference. Whether other people can see it yet or not doesn't matter. My clothes fit better, I have more energy, I swear I'm sleeping better and I kid you not...I haven't had ANY carpal tunnel pain, even after I went back to work. So I don't mind "the look," because I also had several people tell me this week that it is starting to show...and that made it all worth it. :)

Boo

I've been amazed at how well I've been doing since surgery, considering it was my first major surgery ever. I should have known that wouldn't last. About 6am this morning, I was awakened by a dull, deep pain under my right rib cage. At first I thought I just slept funny, so I got up and walked around, stretched, then tried to lay back down. Then the pain moved all the way around me to the back side and settled under my right shoulder blade. Now it was an intense, sharp pain. Worst pain I've ever felt. I called the Medical Exchange number and took Gas X, hoping it was just severe gas. Nope. Waited and waited for them to call me back. Finally, a little before 9am I called the doctor's office. My doc is on vacation, so I left a message with the medical assistant. About the time they finally called back, I had just run to the bathroom to vomit. This is the first time in three weeks since surgery that I've gotten sick like that, which is almost unheard of. So I guess I'm lucky. Finally, an on-call doctor called back, listened to my symptoms and told me she thinks it's my gall bladder. I'm not happy about this, because I specifically asked them if it needed to be removed at the same time they did the other surgery. They did an ultrasound and then said that I didn't need to do it. Argh. I find it hard to believe that it changed in just three weeks! So they want me to get another ultrasound...and I'm guessing this will require another surgery. Boo.

It may have been throwing up or laying on the heating pad that did it, but I'd like to think it was something bigger at play. I am a big baby when I don't feel well and the only thing I could think of was, "I want my mommy and daddy!" So I cried out loud to both my mom and my dad and told them I needed help. (This was after praying several times too). I swear to you, about 10 minutes later, the pain finally started subsiding. My angels helped me. I'm convinced. Thanks mom and dad!

Monkey on my back

This week held two big benchmarks along my journey - returning to work full time and progressing to eating "soft foods." My first day back to work went fine, I felt great all day. Then on Tuesday, I had really, really low energy. I hung in there all day, but took a 3 hour nap when I got home. I felt like I wasn't getting enough protein or water. Wednesday I progressed to soft foods, so I had 1/2 a scrambled egg for breakfast, 4 ounces of tuna & cottage cheese for lunch and a very small piece of grilled tilapia & canned mixed veggies for dinner. I never felt better. Best food ever! I also made a better effort to slowly sip water all day long. Thursday I had really low energy again and ended up coming home about 3pm. This process involves completely relearning how to eat. Not only do I eat much smaller portions than before, but I have to chew each bite 30 times and cannot drink with meals. It's a challenge. I have three social events coming up this weekend with food involved and I think that will be hard for me. Today I wasn't feeling good and all I wanted to be able to do was eat a normal meal. My old normal. I was craving sour cream chicken enchiladas. I'm going to try and find a healthy, maybe pureed version without a tortilla to satisfy that craving. But I still miss the old version which also included tons of good ol' chips and salsa and maybe rice and beans too. That mental hunger is still a monkey on my back, but I'm working on it, day by day.

WARNING - graphic of gastric sleeve surgery ahead!

Many people have asked about the actual procedure, so I wanted to post an illustration of it. My apologies if this is TMI, feel free to click to the next post if you like. :) They actually removed 80 percent of my stomach. Crazy, right?

Ah, the joys of pureed foods...

I've had lots of people ask me what I can eat now, so I thought I'd share it here. I usually start with a 4-6 oz. protein shake in the morning. Right now I'm in the pureed food stage, so today for lunch I had pureed black beans, fat free sour cream and salsa. Again, about 4-6 oz. For dinner, I got a little more creative. I quickly did a sort of noodless lasagna bake, layering sliced zuchini, mushrooms, fat free ricotta cheese, fat free parmesan, fat free mozarella and low sugar veggie marinara sauce, baked it for 10 minutes to soften, then pureed it. OMG, yum. I took about five bites and was full. Argh! It tasted so delicious, I wanted to keep eating. But my sleeve wouldn't let me. Sigh.

I'm stalling at 25 total pounds lost, including pre- and post-surgery. This is where I always get stuck when on diets, at 25 pounds. It's like my body freaks out and starts storing fat for the winter or something. I started to worry that I'm a freak of nature and maybe this surgery has already stopped working. Jill assures me that this sometimes happens. You will stall, then lose a bunch of weight all of a sudden. I'll keep you posted. Please pray I'm not a freak.

22 Minutes

First I want to say that today, August 13, would have been my dad's 65th birthday. I miss him every day and of course he's been on my mind a lot lately. Today wasn't a sad day, though. Me, Jeff, Carla & Jill met at his grave to pay our respects. Jill and I got there a tad earlier, so we decided to walk around the cemetery. I needed to walk anyway. They ask you to walk several times a day post-surgery and at about the 6 week mark I'll be cleared for more strenuous workouts. Who am I kidding? I may be down 16 pounds, but walking is still difficult for me! We'll see about strenuous workouts.

About 7pm tonight, I remembered that I needed to get more walking in, so I went to the gym at my apartments. Turns out Saturday night is a good time to go, it was completely empty! I put my iPod on shuffle and listened to the most interesting mix of music: The Killers, Imogen Heap, Alanis Morrissette, The Beatles...and that was about the point I wanted to stop. I was almost at 15 minutes, the longest I'd walked at once since surgery. But then John Denver's Rocky Mountain High came on. You cannot stop the iPod when RMH comes on (it's the law), so I kept walking. I smiled because John Denver was my dad's favorite...I felt like daddy sent me a song to help me keep going. After that, even though I was over 15 minutes at this point, Frankie Valli's Oh What A Night played. Mom loved the musical Jersey Boys and Valli's music. So you guessed it, I kept walking, because this was clearly sent to me from momma! I stopped my iPod and the treadmill when I hit 22 minutes and that song was over! Just for grins, I did check to see what the next song would have been. Duran Duran's Union of the Snake...ha!

Sweet 16

I am now down 16 pounds since my surgery nine days ago. I am in complete shock. Recovery is going well...I'm off the pain meds completely and slowly relearning how to eat with a sleeve. It's a journey, that's for sure. OMG. Sixteen pounds. Unbelievable.